If we are always unable to get the things we really want, we really care, even we know we are destined to be so, what did we do for? what are we doing for?And what will we do for? what's the thing after all we are longing for and fearing? We are obsessed stupidly in our own narcissism, we are always saying"no" to every instance in our life, we are pursueing something that is meaningless. But we have no choice. All of these are our necessity. "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal. "We give our heart ,our sincerity fully and completely to people beloved ,to life ,to god, but how do they make us feel? not only they treat them just as an inconsiderable thing in the whole infinity, but also the love itself can't give us the happiness. Then we'll ask again, even we get the happiness, does it make any more sense than we just live a sad, sorrowful, depressed life?
I like what Wilde said"People say sometimes that Beauty is only superficial. That may be so. But at least it is not so superficial as Thought is."But the most darkling thing is, I count for nothing, no beauty, no thought, no creativity, no expression. I have nothing beyond my understanding, such a boring, a dull, a totally frustrated creature. I only know how to suck the energy, the strength, the happiness from outside, and then digest it, damage it, ruin it in myself, transformed the best,the nicest thing in the world to the most disgusted, the most wearing things which Demon will disdain to be close to. I give out nothing. It's so dark , so lack of sunshine to let anything with hope grow in the deepest myself.
But really, I can hear, from the deserted wasteland inside me, a certain forgotten corner of my heart, I can hear, a mild voice murmured, "How I wish, to give out a little ,no matter how inconsiderable, how childish people think it, no matter how superficial, how shallow god think it, just let me be able to say, that's the real myself, I will never be shame of that."
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